Discussion: I am a 40-plus-year-old married woman. I regularly fantasize when I have sex with my husband about a co-worker. Is this a common phenomenon? Is it infidelity?

Thoughts about another partner are usually not perceived as infidelity but indicate a weakness in the passionate bond with the spouse. Sexual fantasies are widespread in both women and men, including during sexual intercourse. Fantasies about someone specific (as opposed to anonymous fantasy) can create an emotional and energetic disconnect expressed in sex “to get out of duty.”